My boyfriend and I were friends for over two years before we started dating, which means he witnessed the complete evolution of my style. He saw me go from cropped going-out tops and cute jeans to aggressively baggy pants and vests. As my trainer at the gym, he watched sports bras and cycling shorts give way to oversized tees and trackpants. As my neighbour, he saw every tragic combination of old clothes that became pyjamas. So when we finally went on our first date, I had no idea what to wear. To my surprise, I reached for the only skirt I owned: a taupe, tiered midi that had been hibernating at the back of my drawer. It felt odd, like a lame attempt at getting one of my closest friends to start seeing me as A Girl.
Fast-forward 18 months, and my style has only become more ‘tomboy femme’. My jeans are baggier than ever. I own more vests and structured tops than I need. And yet, my skirt collection is at an all-time high (I now own four). If you happen to rummage through my wardrobe, you'll see lace and frills peeking through. I dress based on how I’m feeling—whether that’s a basic tank top and jorts with loafers or a pleated skirt with a fitted tee and ballet flats—not how I want to be perceived. And I know there will be appreciation regardless.
Which raises the question: are men evolving? Is the male gaze loosening its grip on the deep cleavage and hip-hugging silhouette? Or have some men simply learned to see fashion as expression, an extension of the women they love?
Instagram content
“I’m not really going to change myself to make someone I’m dating more comfortable,” shares New York–based creator Teo Marcella. Marcella, who is in a four-year relationship with their boyfriend, admits there was temptation in the beginning to lean into dressing a certain way, but they pushed against it. “I held my own ground in what I knew was comfortable for me. And I think, honestly, that authenticity has allowed us to develop a really strong foundation.”
Marcella grew up with a very specific kind of femininity. “As a kid, I was very girly, looking at the stars of Disney Channel. It was all very feminine.” But with time, they realised they felt “so much more comfortable and so much more in my body dressing androgynously. I still like to have a feminine face, but I love a masc outfit,” shares Marcella. Interestingly, they notice how the world responds. “When I’m dressed more masculine, there’s less chivalry from people around. People might hold doors for me less [often], but I’ll hold doors [open] for people. I’ll help people out of cars. Something interesting happens with my energy there.”
Aastha Gaur, a Los Angeles–based creator and senior director of design at Google, describes her style as existing between chill and commanding, rather than feminine or masculine. “Imagine a T-shirt and jeans,” she says. “More chill would be wearing a cardigan. More commanding would be wearing a blazer.”
Instagram content
Growing up in India, Gaur identified as a tomboy early on. “I had this sense of boys having more freedom than girls. Later, as a postgraduate student in LA, she swung hard in the opposite direction with frills, dresses and hyperfemininity before realising it wasn’t her. “Eventually, I settled into a place where it’s not masculine, it’s not feminine. It’s somewhere in the middle. That feels better.”
In high school, a senior once warned her, “You dress like a boy. You should know that men are not attracted to that.” The comment lodged itself somewhere in her brain. Years later, when she started dating her now husband, she briefly tried to course-correct. “I went shopping and bought this grey frilly dress. I don’t think I wore it more than once. I was like, OK, I cannot do this. It’s just not me.”
“I do think overall he is very secure in his masculinity and who he is,” she says. “So he doesn’t feel like his wife has to be feminine or look feminine to project a certain kind of image.” It helps that he’s a designer. “If he likes something, he’ll just say, ‘Oh wow, that looks cool, babe.’ It’s not limited to any specific kind of outfit. He sees the colour composition, the shapes.” In other words, he has taste. Marcella echoes that dynamic. “He absolutely loves it,” they say of their partner’s reaction to their personal style. “He’s very fashion-forward himself and it’s been great because we get to share closets.” Which, quite frankly, is the final frontier of any relationship.
Instagram content
I see it in my own relationship, too. I’ll show my boyfriend pieces I’m considering buying and genuinely take his opinion on my outfits into account, which, to my perpetual shock, often improve the look. He runs his clothes by me, loves going shopping together, sends me reels of clothes he thinks I'll like and always has a new pair of shoes on his wish list. There is mutual respect for each other’s aesthetic and creative direction.
Of course, not all responses are enlightened. Gaur points out that when she receives hate from men, it often stems from discomfort. “It can be threatening to see a woman showing up in a powerful way. Because in those minds, masculinity equals power. Men expect women to dress a certain way because I think they’re explicitly looking for softness, which to them is weakness.”
Which brings us back to the original question: are men evolving? Maybe some are. Maybe the male gaze is splintering. Maybe there’s a growing cohort of men who find autonomy attractive, who are secure in their own masculinity and their femininity. They understand design, appreciate shape and proportion and find any well-put-together outfit as compelling as a body-con gown. Or maybe, it’s just really hot when a woman dresses like a man.
Also read:
I swore by minimalism until maximalist jewellery changed my mind
I struggled to find my personal style until I started dressing like a five-year-old
