A good support system is a privilege. It may be your family, friends or a strong partner by your side. At Vogue Values: Women of Excellence, presented by Tira, we asked our panellists what women should really be looking for in a partner. Not fairy-tale perfection, but the real things like trust, shared values and emotional security.
For some, it’s the person who will let you make mistakes and still offer a safe place to land. It’s the partner who learns a new language to read your work, the one who stays home with the children while you study, who stands by you when society doesn’t, because although ambition can exist in isolation, a little support goes a long way. So here's what you should look for in a partner, according to Vogue's Women of Excellence.
Mira Rajput Kapoor: My pillar of strength has always been my husband. It was never even a conversation with him about what I can or can't do. It was just, “If you want to do something, let’s do it.” Having a sparring partner is very important in a life partner. I don’t want to hear yes all the time. I want to hear somebody else’s point of view—whether it comes from experience, a different way of life or a different sense of logic. If I think from my mind and Shahid [Kapoor] thinks from his heart, that itself is a great conversation. But at the end of the day, the decision is mine to make.
To grow a family together and still hold on to your dreams and ambitions, you can only do that when you have a home and a partnership that supports both dreams. I believe both people in a partnership can achieve their dreams. In fact, it fuels the other one even more. If you have four burners, you don’t have to turn one off. You just reduce the flame and allow the gas to be on the other side.
Bhakti Modi: Ambition shows up very differently depending on who you share your life with. It’s not the big, defining moments but the everyday choices that make ambition sustainable. I live between Mumbai and Bengaluru, so for my partner and me, simple things like being home at the same time, adjusting our calendars, and doing that repeatedly without keeping score is what counts. I’ve been working at Tira for the last four years, and he has shown up in the small and big moments, and his doing that consistently has meant more to me than any words ever could.
Chetna Gala Sinha: My husband is a farmer and he is a very charismatic leader. I fell in love and married him. Then this whole bank idea happened, and it was all women, right? He stuck by me, staying in these villages with no power while I was setting up the bank. And he would just say, “Go ahead.” It is very easy to sacrifice everything, even money. But to sacrifice power? Very difficult. And I felt he did that. He was a leader himself, a farmer leader, and I took up the stage and became a leader. That’s not easy.
Radhikaraje Gaekwad: We all look for different mentoring, if I may use that word, from different relationships. But personally, in my life partner, it is a sense of trust. My husband, Samarjit [sinh Gaekwad], and I are very different people. We operate differently, we think differently. But we complement each other because we’re coming from different ideologies and principles.
He works in the business world, and I work in philanthropy. But what really ties us together is that we believe in each other. A lot of love comes with overprotection, and that doesn’t help. What you really need from your partner is love and support, but also the ability to go out there, make your mistakes, and still find that nest to come back to and rest in.
Monica Shah: I’ve been so lucky because my partner is my partner at home and in business. My journey started with him. Nihal was working at Chanakya with many design houses across the world. After I got married, I decided to join the business. I had no formal education in fashion and I didn’t know how to run a brand, but he said, “Don’t worry. I’m going to support you. But first, go study.” By then, I had two small boys. I said, “I’m not leaving my kids and going somewhere to study.” He said, “Just finish your studies. I’m going to take care of the kids. I’m going to support our dreams together.” That’s how I went to London and did a short course in fashion. He kept supporting me, and my journey with Jade started with him.
Kalyani Priyadarshan: For one day of shoot to go well, a hundred things have to fall perfectly into place. If it rains, we have zero control over that. If your co-actor is working on another film and their co-actor gets sick, that messes up their schedule and ours. Growing up with a filmmaker father, I understood that very early in life. We’d have vacations planned months in advance, and two days before, someone would say they didn’t get the permit to shoot on a particular road, so everything had to change. I haven’t found this partner yet, but I think I need someone who understands the unpredictability of my job. I hope I find a partner who is understanding of that.
Banu Mushtaq: My father supported me a lot. He trained me to be courageous in life. And my husband—he is such a person who should not get a wife like me. It would make any man egoistic. In my small town, our home is open to all people. They approach my husband and say, “Please ask her to do us a favour for this case.” He says, “No, I can’t interfere in such matters. I won’t interfere.” People say, “What type of man is he? He cannot even control his wife.” This control, this egoism, that is what many think are the greatest qualities of a husband. My husband does not have that. He is simple. He is happy with my progress. He never wants to share my success. If he attends any of my programmes, he stands at the back. But he is the first reader of any story or fiction I write. He is the number one commentator. He is well-versed in Urdu literature, but he learnt Kannada only to read my work.
He is not overprotective because protection is control. He stood by my side when society stood against me for my views, my fiction, my language. Even when a fatwa was levelled against me, and he was forced to divorce me, he flatly rejected it. He said, “Whatever may come, I will stand with her.” And he has stood by my side till today.
Also read:
All the honourees from the inaugural Vogue Values: Women of Excellence
Here’s what you missed at the inaugural edition of Vogue Values: Women of Excellence
Why Mira Rajput Kapoor is teaching her daughter about finances from a young age
